


You Promised Me A Symphony

by MaliceManaged



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), F/M, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 17:04:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5673766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaliceManaged/pseuds/MaliceManaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki comes home one day to find his worst fear almost come true, then learns the reason why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Promised Me A Symphony

**Author's Note:**

> This is a wreck. I'm sorry. I couldn't _not_ write it.
> 
> The title is the name of a song by The Gathering. I dunno, it came on while I was writing and when I couldn't think of a title it popped into my head and I thought it was fitting.

    There weren’t many things that frightened Loki Friggason of Asgard. There couldn’t be; he was one of the best magick users of the Nine Realms, he may not be as physically strong as Thor but he could certainly hold his own in a close-quarter fight, and his mind was nothing short of brilliant, among other things. But the sheer unadulterated panic that coursed through him the day he came home to find his wife bleeding to death on their bedroom floor with several deep slashes across her forearms was not something he would soon forget.

 

****

 

    It was nearing on five years since he had met Gemma. It had been after the events of his invasion of New York; for some reason he couldn’t understand Odin had decided not to execute him after Thor dragged him back ‘home’, but instead of imprisoning him like he had expected, the king had banished him to very realm he’d tried to conquer as soon as the Bifrost had been repaired until he learned... some lesson or another. Loki hadn’t been paying much attention after he’d been told his powers would be bound and he would have a spell cast upon him that would enable them to track him wherever he went.

 

    After he’d been unceremoniously dumped in the middle of nowhere, he wandered aimlessly until he found civilisation then proceeded to carve out a place for himself; making good use of his silver tongue to acquire most of what he needed. After two weeks of being bored out of his mind having nothing to do, he got a job in the library of the town he’d found himself in. Two months after that he met Gemma.

 

    At first he hadn’t been particularly interested in the buxom little red-head; in fact, he wouldn’t have noticed her existence if he hadn’t been working his way through the shelves returning misplaced books to their homes to find her struggling to reach a particular tome. He actually stood there for a while, amused to watch her trying to stretch farther than her five feet and six inches would allow for; when she looked about to start climbing the shelves he decided to intervene, mostly because he didn’t want to have to clean up the mess when she inevitably fell.

 

    She’d been startled when a hand reached up from behind her to pick up the book she wanted and offered a meek ‘thanks’ when he handed it to her before all but scurrying away from him and out of sight. He didn’t see her again for another three weeks, when they ended up in the same situation again. After the fourth time in three months, Loki finally thought to ask for her name. Four months later he asked her out for coffee, and a month after that he kissed her for the first time. Two years later, he proposed.

 

    Loki had learned early on that Gemma was prone to bouts of depression - there were times when she’d hardly even get out of bed for days, even weeks - but he didn’t think it would come to this. She didn’t have the best self-esteem, but he’d never known her to actually harm herself, let alone try to take her own life.

 

    When he found her she was just barely conscious and while he was no healer, he did what he could to try to stabilise her before rushing to the hospital. He got there just in time, a nurse told him after; any longer and she would’ve lost too much blood to survive.

 

    He convinced the appropriate people to let him stay with her then settled by her bed to wait for her to wake up, knowing his own worry would keep sleep well away from him. When those almond-shaped brown eyes he adored so much finally opened the next day, Loki felt like he could breathe again. Gemma watched as he stared at her with a myriad of emotions in his own eyes before he finally opened his mouth to speak to her.

 

    “Why?” Loki asked tightly, his voice trembling the slightest bit, “Why would you want to... Just, _why?”_

 

    Gemma looked away guiltily. “I didn’t... mean to...”

 

    “Then what _did_ you mean?” Loki asked, a hint of anger slipping into his tone.

 

    “I don’t know,” Gemma half whispered.

 

    “Do I make you so unhappy that you would risk Hel?” Loki asked, his voice rising.

 

    Gemma looked at him in shock. “No!”

 

    “Then _why??”_ Loki cried loudly, standing up, “How could you do this? What could have _possibly_ led you to attempt to end your life?”

 

    “I can’t...” Gemma began but was interrupted by a sob that forced its way out of her. She took a breath then choked out, “I’m sorry!”

 

    As soon as she burst into tears Loki was at her side, holding her close as tightly as he dared to, hushing her and murmuring reassurances.

 

    When her crying dissolved into quiet sniffles Loki said softly, “I’m not angry with you, my love, but you scared me half to death; I thought I was about to lose you. I don’t want to make you feel guilt over your actions; I just wish to understand them. How can I help you if I don’t know what is wrong?”

 

    “You can’t help me; not with this,” Gemma murmured.

 

    “Tell me anyway,” Loki replied.

 

    Gemma was silent for a long while and Loki was about to ask again when finally she said, “The doctor called...”

 

    Loki closed his eyes and mentally braced himself. They had decided at the end of the previous year to have a child, and after the winter arrived with no success Gemma had decided to talk to her doctor about it. But if the results of the test had led her to trying to commit suicide, Loki doubted it was anything good.

 

    “And?” He asked hesitantly.

 

    “And I...” Gemma began then faltered before trying again, this time managing to whisper, “I’m barren.”

 

    Loki sucked in a sharp breath. He _was_ quite a bit disappointed, but while he was hardly against the idea of becoming a parent, she’d wanted it a lot more; he could understand how such news could devastate her already fragile mental state.

 

    “There are treatments we could try; are there not?” Loki tried to reassure her.

 

    “What if they don’t work?” Gemma asked pitifully.

 

    “We could always adopt,” Loki suggested, unsure what else he could say. When she didn’t respond he pulled away slightly and turned her face up to his, cradling her cheek in his hand. “Gemma. My dearest Gemma. You don’t know how terrified I am of losing you.”

 

    Gemma bit her lips and lowered her eyes, whispering, “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to cause you grief.”

 

    “I know, pet,” Loki replied. He rubbed his thumb along her cheekbone and when she looked back up said, “I want you to promise me something: No matter how bad things get, how dark your thoughts turn; wait for me. Just hold on and wait for me. I will always come for you. I would give my last breath to save you. You just hold on.”

 

    For a moment, Gemma couldn’t speak, overwhelmed by his determination to keep her going; when she managed to find her voice again she said, “I’ll hold on. I promise.”

 

    “Good,” Loki said, his relief evident.

 

    Loki Friggason of Asgard would never forget the day he almost lost his wife by her own hand, but even less likely would he forget the promise she made to hang on, or his promise to always be there.


End file.
